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  • #1

    Advice

    We both started our journey last July to try and get pregnant. We had the tests, all was well even though I’m 43. However the found polyps on my ovaries. They took them out in January and results came back normal. The consultant said you are good to go. It took me a while to want to have sex but when I wanted to start again, it’s like my husband is all enthusiastic but then we have sex once but then decides he doesn’t want to anymore.... I thought it was one off’s although after having a chat last month about it, he promised me it was just him being weird and not knowing how to approach it, he said it wouldn’t happen this month... so my ovulation cycle started 3 days ago... we joked and said that time again... he was excited as was I, laughed about it... I felt happier then I done for months in general. We had sex that night, miss the next night as recommended by the doctors but when it came to encouraging or instigating sex again... he just blew me off and said he was tired! As said early, it’s not the 1st time he’s done it and now I feel like a whore! I told him several times that what he does makes me feel used, he’s always apologetic but am I being dramatic in the why I am thinking?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    He may just be feeling nervous about having a baby. I wouldn't take it personally ... men usually have a lot going on in their heads, but they keep it bottled up. Might help if you can get him to talk to you about how he's feeling, and remind him that you're there to support him.

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    • #3
      I am sorry to read your story. I agree with the previous poster that ttc-ing is also difficult for our 2nd half. Try to find non standard approach to solve the issue, smth new you have not experienced. I have been using iyoni fertility app to help me with ttc-ing monitoring, and they also designed the feature dedicated to couples who wish to improve their communication and deepen intimacy. There are a few appls worth considering, e.g. love, and others, and their game-based approach helpsto capture special moments together. Good luck!

      Comment

      • #4
        No, you are not being dramatic in how you are feeling. It is understandable to feel hurt and frustrated when your partner appears enthusiastic about trying to conceive but then backs out when it comes to actually having sex. It is also understandable to feel used and unwanted when this behavior becomes a pattern.

        It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your husband about how his actions make you feel. It sounds like you have already done this, but if he continues to make promises and then does not follow through, it may be necessary to have a more serious conversation about your relationship and your shared goals.

        It is also important to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being during this process. Trying to conceive can be a stressful and emotionally charged time, and it is important to prioritize self-care and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.

        Comment

        • #5
          Originally posted by WhatWomenThink View Post
          We both started our journey last July to try and get pregnant. We had the tests, all was well even though I’m 43. However the found polyps on my ovaries. They took them out in January and results came back normal. The consultant said you are good to go. It took me a while to want to have sex but when I wanted to start again, it’s like my husband is all enthusiastic but then we have sex once but then decides he doesn’t want to anymore.... I thought it was one off’s although after having a chat last month about it, he promised me it was just him being weird and not knowing how to approach it, he said it wouldn’t happen this month... so my ovulation cycle started 3 days ago... we joked and said that time again... he was excited as was I, laughed about it... I felt happier then I done for months in general. We had sex that night, miss the next night as recommended by the doctors but when it came to encouraging or instigating sex again... he just blew me off and said he was tired! As said early, it’s not the 1st time he’s done it and now I feel like a whore! I told him several times that what he does makes me feel used, he’s always apologetic but am I being dramatic in the why I am thinking?


          Communication is key in navigating through these feelings and understanding each other's perspectives.

          It's not uncommon for couples to experience changes in their sexual dynamics and desires, especially when dealing with medical issues, stress, or emotional factors. Your feelings are valid, and it's important for you and your husband to have open and honest conversations about your needs, concerns, and expectations.

          Here are a few suggestions to consider:
          1. Open Communication: Keep the lines of communication open between you and your husband. Express your feelings and concerns honestly, and encourage him to do the same. Avoid blaming or accusing language, and instead focus on sharing your emotions and seeking understanding.
          2. Seek Professional Help: If you find that your communication isn't resolving the issues, you might consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for both of you to explore your feelings and work through any challenges.
          3. Understanding His Perspective: Try to understand your husband's perspective as well. It's possible that he might be dealing with his own anxieties, fears, or concerns related to the pregnancy journey. Encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings with you.
          4. Explore Intimacy: Remember that intimacy doesn't always have to mean sexual intercourse. There are many ways to connect and feel close to each other, such as cuddling, holding hands, kissing, and spending quality time together.
          5. Patience and Empathy: Be patient with each other as you navigate through this challenging time. Both of you are likely experiencing a range of emotions, and it may take time to find a balance that works for both of you.
          6. Focus on Connection: Instead of pressuring yourselves to have intercourse solely for the purpose of conception, focus on nurturing your emotional and physical connection. This can help create a more positive and relaxed environment for both of you.

          Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's important to address the issues you're facing together as a team. If the challenges persist, seeking professional guidance can be very helpful in navigating this situation and finding ways to move forward positively.

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